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| Jokes |
| The Jokes Forum :: Ask us a Question! |
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Jokes :: Heard a good one lately? Share a joke or funny story here.
Though we rarely act it, we are all adults, and can have a good chuckle over an "R" rated joke.
Nonetheless, it is important that we use our judgment. Mean spirited stories are not the sort of material that is acceptable on Able2Know.
So let's put on our "thinking caps", write down the best "howlers", and let's all have a good laugh! Ask us a Question!
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| humor |
Posted by Ragman on May, 15. :: 3 Comments
Did you hear the one about the lobster and the crab that fell in love?
Boy lobster and a girl crab meet and fall deeply in love. However, her parents talk her out of it.
"How will your children walk? Will the kids walk sideways … like they should…or straight and forward like a lobster?"
So, after pondering this, she breaks up with the lobster.
The poor lobster took it very hard.
Then, one day, she sees him walking down the street sideways!
"You learned to walk sideways!!!! I love you!" she says.
Lobster says, "Get away from me. Can't you see that I'm drunk?!"
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| Okay. But you'll have to buy me dinner first. |
Posted by boomerang on May, 14. :: 11 Comments
As my state's stupidly late primary swings into full gear I'm thinking of hanging a sign on my door that says:
Yes you can talk to me about your canidate
but you'll have to buy me dinner first.
I'm thinking they'll either go away or they'll bring me food and either way I'm a winner!
What about a sign that says "If you knock on my door I will not vote for your favored canidate"?
Would a red, white and blue, "None of the above" yardsign help?
Would it be unethical to change my voice mail message to something like "I must keep my phone line open as I am waiting to hear from my doctor regarding my transplant. If you are anyone other than my doctor please hang up immediately."
If I flew a Canadian flag would that help keep them at bay?
Do you have any more/other/better ideas for me?
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| Ten Times Normal Size |
Posted by Phoenix32890 on May, 14. :: 1 Comment
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said,
"You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents,and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again,
"Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her,
"Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,
"Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy."
Then she turned to Mary and continued...
"And as for you, young lady, I have three things to say...
One... you have a dirty mind.
Two... you didn't read your homework.
And three... one day you are going
to be very, very disappointed."
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| A MAN AND HIS BEER ... NOT EASILY PARTED |
Posted by hamburger on May, 13. :: 3 Comments
he knew what was important to him ...
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Aussie straps in beer, not child
A car driver in Australia has been fined for strapping down his beer rather than his young child.
Police said they were "shocked and appalled" when they pulled over the car south of Alice Springs in Australia's Northern Territory.
They said the 30-can pack of beer was strapped down between two adults in the back, with the five-year-old child unrestrained on the floor.
The driver was handed a fine of A$750 (US$709; £362).
The fine was for failing to ensure a child was wearing a seatbelt as well as driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle.
'Blank' look
The car was pulled over on the Ross Highway last Friday.
Constable Wayne Burnett said: "I haven't ever seen something like this before.
"This is the first time that the beer has taken priority over a child... The child was sitting in the lump in the centre, unrestrained."
When Constable Burnett handed over the fine he said the driver "just looked at me blankly".
"He didn't get it," Constable Burnett said.
"I asked him about the fact the child was unrestrained and the beer was, and he said he didn't know anything about it."
Superintendent Sean Parnell of Alice Springs police said the incident was a "timely reminder" to ensure "all passengers are secured".
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/asia-pacific/7397867.stm
Published: 2008/05/13 09:36:15 GMT
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source :
A MAN AND HIS BEER
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