My parents

Morutea · Posts: 2

Hello all,

It is my first post Smile

I want your thoughts on this:
Do you feel that because your parents may have supported you when you were younger, that you "owe" it to them to support them now?

(Pay the bills they run up etc, just because they did it for you when you were younger and unable to work)

Thanks.

2PacksAday · Posts: 1422 Location: Missouri

I voted No.

And I will elaborate later.

LoneStarMadam · Posts: 2623 Location: Testing Testy Women

Yes, is my vote.

Noddy24 · Posts: 27707 Location: Brave New World

I don't expect my son--let alone my stepsons--to support me financially in my old age.

In an ideal world my stepsons would be offering their father some companionship and emotional support, but they really aren't very nice people.

All of these kids were spawned when Love and Marriage automatically meant Children. Perhaps now that parenthood is optional, the parents-by-choice will be able to expect filial gratitude.

Of course, not all expectations are fulfilled.

Linkat · Posts: 8439

No! I say this more as a parent myself. As a parent, you decided to have to children. The children did not ask to be born. You raise your children to be self sufficient and to take care of themselves (not you!). To be a true parent – you should be selfless – you give to your children because you love them with no financial expectations in the future. I would not want or expect my children to be obliged to me.

Although I would want them to be (as some one else mentioned here) more an emotional support to me if and when I need it. Financially in my older years – that is what a 401k and other such retirement vehicles are for. Now if something would happen financially to my parents, I wouldn’t feel obliged to help them, but would help them because I love them. In other words, there is a huge difference between being obliged and doing it out of love.

Phoenix32890 · Posts: 24686 Location: With the birds and the alligators.

I have a strong belief that financial help needs to flow down from the parents to the children, and not the other way around. It is up to a parent to see that their children are given the best start in life with which are capable of giving.

I liken it to the nestlings in a tree. The parents care for the baby birds while they are unable to fend for themselves. When they are capable of self-suffficiency, the birds are thrown out of the nest, to go out in the world on their own.

As for the parents, it is up to them, by the time their children are grown and out of the house, to plan for their own old age. I believe that there is an obligation for the children, as Linkat has said to act as an emotional support for aging parents.

At a certain point in their lives, the roles of parents and children are reversed, and it is important for the kids to "be there" for the parents in tems of emotional support, advice, and direction, as becomes necessary as the parents age.

For instance, I am caring for my 97 year old mother. For years I had done her bookkeeping, shopping, arranging for and taking her to doctor appointments etc. Now that she is in an assisted living facility, I have less to do, but I am still very much involved in handling her affairs. My husband has helped me to invest her money, so that she has enough to take care of herself comfortably.

One of the things that I have made sure of, is that her money will last her for as long as she is around to need it. I would never dream of asking my husband to take some of our money to support my mother. We need that for OUR old age, and certainly would not want to burden our children, by spending our money on my mother, and them coming up short for ourselves.

flushd · Posts: 2996 Location: Winnipeg ...Canada

No. No obligation. A child doesn't run up debt by being born and living, the way I see it.

However, knowing that my mom did the best she could for me (with what she knew and had) and that she genuinely did put me as a priority:
I love her, and will do everything in my power to make sure her life is a good one.
Part of that means making sure I do not end up in the poor house, because I feel having her watch me in a destructive cycle is harder on her even than her own struggles.

Noddy24 · Posts: 27707 Location: Brave New World

Speaking as a mother, flushd has made an excellent point.

One of the joys of a successful offspring is that you don't have to worry.

shewolfnm · Posts: 21641 Location: Inside of myself.

I dont think it should be an obligation by the strict definition, but a family should always help one another.

As someone said, you are not born in debt. Your birth does not MAKE YOU obligated to take care of anyone who took care of you as a child.

If a family is centered on respect, love, and a genuine sense of belonging, helping someone when they need it should never be a question.

Walter Hinteler · Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 8:47 am Post: 2386938 -

According to the German Civil Code (§ 1601) close relatives are obliged to support those in need.... and that since 1896.

I suppose, since a couple of generations grew up with this law, which only fixed what is a tradtional Christian tradition ... we are used to do so.

So, my answer to the poll is "yes" - but that depends on the situation.