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Confession

 
 
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 01:28 pm
I have an addiction to writing porn stories. Short stories following the same character. There are about six of them now. Perhaps I am worrying too much, but I simply wonder what it says about my mental state and my past that I'm so fixated on these stories and this character.

These stories follow a character who is a nineteen year old male recently released from juvenile prison. He begins attending college as a freshman. He is an oversexed womanizer who has already slept with a large number of women when the narrative begins. He indulges wildly in drugs and alcohol. He might be a sociopath. He's also broke and has no real family. After hooking up with a young woman at school in the first semester he snaps a picture of her near the end of the act and realizes that he can make money off this picture. From then on, it becomes a story about his goal to pay off his student debt by making videos of all the women he seduces and selling them to shady porn sites. He's very reckless and impulsive. He never uses a condom, sometimes pays for escorts and has sex with at least one much older woman. He manipulates his male friends, too, and once makes a video of himself having sex with one of his friend's girlfriends. His plan to make money off these videos succeeds for some time. Eventually, though, he meets one girl who he actually seems to develop feelings for and this leads into a situation where he will either reign in his lifestyle and develop something of a conscience or get caught for all his illegal videos and get sent right back to juve.

Does this sound like a good story? If so, it does to me, too, but I almost feel ashamed writing it. It goes into graphic sexual detail and the stories are from the first person point of view of this lead character. I was not like this guy in college even remotely. I had a couple girlfriends and lost my virginity at a more or less normal age. But I'm wondering if writing these stories has more to do with me feeling insecure and wishing I was more of a man like my character, or if it is more that I simply love telling stories but would never admit to anybody in my life that I write this dark anti-hero erotica stuff. I think of it as anti-erotica, actually.

One can find most of these stories on the internet. But that isn't important. I just wanted to get it off my chest that I feel conflicted about writing this content in the first place even though perhaps I shouldn't. And I'd like to know if anybody has any thoughts about the stories or for me.
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centrox
 
  2  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 02:01 pm
I don't think that your choice of subject matter is necessarily a sign that you have an unhealthy fixation. It is not unusual for people to fantasize either internally, or in print, about people who are in many ways like them, except they have more exciting lives. In my late teens I myself tried writing stories about a hippie secret agent who screwed lots of girls (of course!) and took acid while on missions. They were pretty poor, I decided in the end. I did do some professional writing - technical manuals and product catalogs mainly. I don't see anything harmful or unhealthy in what you are doing - at least your character questions what he is doing.
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 02:04 pm
@centrox,
Agree w/Cen for what it's worth
'It's,' that's me not Cen; he/she's okay
0 Replies
 
Iouman
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 02:06 pm
@sorenson,
Do you post or share these stories? How do you feel when you write them? Turned on?

If you feel like there's a problem, then you might be right. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else. You might have an addiction to it or a fixation that you might need to address before it gets worse.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 02:15 pm
@sorenson,
There is a large and rather lucrative industry in writing porn, either in book or screenplay format.

It's also perfectly legal. And no one has to be 'troubled' in any sense of the word in order to write it, even the really sick and weird stuff.

Take some writing classes and polish your prose and grow a thicker skin (because all writers need that) and start querying. You might even be published one day.

Signed, a real-live published author and, yes, there was a sex scene in my full-length published work and I am about as vanilla as people get
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